Sunday, January 4, 2015

In Apple We Trust

Dear Mr. Cook:

I've been in transit, holding up my share of the Feliz Anos celebration, and otherwise unable to attend more than cursorily to our progress toward trillionness. I'm afraid it's going to have to be like that for the next few months or so. But I have total trust in your ability to get us through 2015 Q1 with excellent results.

Mio dios, there's so much to look forward to--the move to the NYSE, the pricing of our dividend (please drop a hint or two Luca's way that there's no such thing as "too generous" in this regard), the release of the iWatch, the continued triumph of Apple Pay, and all the deep dark machinations that will make the sale of actual gadgets and wearables in time icing on the capitalist cake. (My favorite is the Frasier.)

President Rafael Correa, as I'm sure you know, is shopping for a new currency. Maybe have Phil send him a Powerpoint...? If you need me to help smooth the way the bus to Quito takes about 4 hours from where I am, and I'm happy to help. Oh wow, now I sound like that buttinsky Carl Icahn. The nerve of him sending you letters and offering unsolicited advice...oh..wait...well....never mind. But do ignore him please, he's a billionaire, ergo evil, and I've seen iguanas in the Galapagos that have more appeal. And morality. And dignity.

Born in 1936, this piece of human garbage is past life expectancy. With an estimated net worth of $20b, he's still apparently too cheap to buy a nose hair clipper!

When I can I'll peek at the stock price in full knowledge that you'll deploy the cash much is it now? $150 billion...and keep our floor secure if need be. But I doubt it will be.

I'll try and be back in the saddle by the first of April, I hope not feeling the slightest bit foolish. Make us proud in 2015, Mr. Cook.

¡Hasta la próxima! 

Frances Madeson 

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